The White Rabbit.

I have commandeered a rabbit! She was in the smallest cage ever (approx. two hands wide - and I have small hands) so I rescued her and set her free in my room. She was not too keen on the idea of getting out of her cage at first so I said some encouraging words, namely 'some bunnies are born free, some bunnies achieve freedom and other bunnies have freedom thrust upon them' she was unimpressed so i coaxed her out with cabbage and then she tried to eat my toe nail.

She is about half the size of my foot (I'm a size 5) she is the cutest pet I've ever owned but also possibly the most mentally handicapped - if any of you have meet Zac the cat or Barney the dog you will know this is no mean feat! She shits every where which I was warned about and according to the internet if she gets diarrhea she could die!

I'm in over my head. I don't know how to look after a living thing. All of my plants have died! I don't have any resources. No reasonable sized cage, no bedding, no restricted space for her to play in, no cardboard box with holes in. The internet advice people seem to be assuming quite a lot. I have given her a strawberry for roughage.

At the moment she has a variety of names. I elicited the help of Miss Annie Herbert in the naming of my rabbit and we currently have Captain Sam Bartholomew Ziger Zaper, Esq. However I feel we may have to drop the Bartholomew part as it is too gender specific. The issue being that although I have looked I'm not entirely sure if she is a girl. I can't find a penis but rabbits have a lot of hair.

Plus I remember when I was younger and we got a cat who also had many names. I wanted him to be a girl and my mum looked and said it was too early to tell (maybe this is the same with the rabbit, or maybe she lied) so I named him Rose. For reasons I have long since forgotten I wanted to be called Rose when I was 5. I even insisted my teacher Mrs Cooper call me Rose but she refused on the grounds that my name was Holly but when I refused to answer to Holly we compromised and I was Rose for the day. So my cat Rose turned out to be a boy (apparently all entirely ginger cats are boys, and all white cats are deaf also a liter of cats have multiple fathers - I can't tell you if any of the facts in this paragraph are correct or if they were all made up by my parents). After discovering the maleness of our cat we called him Tiger Rose (slightly more masculine) however it didn't stick as we had been calling him Kitten whilst the sex was confirmed and this seemed like the most appropriate name. Obviously it quickly became completely inappropriate as Kitten reach adulthood but it was far too late by then.

The point of my story being that gender non-specific names can solve a multitude of issues in later life but everyone gets old.